Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
