you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
