wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
