i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
