At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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