Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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