Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
home. puking in laundry basket.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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