This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
