ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
