He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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