my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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