you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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