I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
