I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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