I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
