i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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