Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
