i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
