I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
