So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
