I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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