Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
