I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
