is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
