just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
should my penis look like a turkey
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
