Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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