look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
