So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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