You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
