Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
