Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
