so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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