I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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