if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
