Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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