I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
