apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
This house was built for laser tag.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
