A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
