It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He has the fingertips of a God
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
