i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
