I've blown a few things in my day
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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