I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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