just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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