thanks...oh and i got my period
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you