my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip