I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
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Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This couple is walking their pig around campus