This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
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I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
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I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.