All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?