Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.