Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
