A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
