he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Terrible idea I love it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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