she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
