we have pet lesbian snakes
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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