is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
