Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
