do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
