So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
