I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
