What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
