my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
