forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
