We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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