Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
