Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
