He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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