you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
