Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
