my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
