so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
