Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
