I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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