I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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