His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
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