That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
