Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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