Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
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I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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