The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Boobs speak an international language.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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