maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
