I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
