Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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