guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
