dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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