there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
