you're like a bully in the Christmas story
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
