we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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