i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
