Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
