I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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