a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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