your parents love me but you hate me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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