You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
