sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
